Falling Into God

This past week I have been at a coursework residential where we focussed on the topic of apophatic theology, or the unspeakable mystery of God. It is theology which tries to talk about what is beyond our comprehension, when all language and metaphors about God break down and are stripped away. This is a space of darkness and mystery where we can feel the absence of God, where we find ourselves bereft of God as we have known God in the past. It raises the question of “How can I love God who is beyond my comprehension?”, and “How can I love God when I feel the darkness of being bereft of God?” Dag Hammarskjold asks this same question in his journal, Markings. He writes,
“But how, then, am I to love God?”
His answer is an attempt to express in words what goes beyond words,
​“You must love Him as if He were a non-God, a non-Spirit, a non-Person, a non-Substance: love Him simply as the One, the pure and absolute Unity in which there is no trace of duality. And into this One, we must let ourselves fall continually from being into non-being. God help us do this”. (110)
It is his phrase, “into this One, we must let ourselves fall continually”, which strikes me most deeply. For me, it is falling into the mystery of God, the darkness of the unknown and incomprehensible depth of God. My imagination takes me back to my childhood memories and the soothing, safe, and comforting feel of velvet. So, I imagine myself falling backwards into the dark velvet of God’s infinite, unknowable, loving depth. It’s a depth that embraces, welcomes and holds me, and yet I am continually falling. As we move into the season of Lent, entering a time of mystery, darkness and stripping away, may we allow ourselves to continually fall into the mystery and darkness of the One who loves us beyond comprehension.


Brian Holliday
Anam Cara for the Guiding Committee  
Photo by Andrew Neel: from Pixabay