Over this last while as Lent has moved into Holy Week, God has continued to seem more absent than present to me, and an inner sense of flatness has persisted. So I was taken by surprise when the words of a poem by Mark Jarman jumped out at me, and they have been resonating with me ever since. Jarman’s poem, “Unholy Sonnet 4”, ends with the words,

This love shows
Itself in absence, which the stars adore.

It has been comforting to me that God’s love can show itself in absence, or in “loving emptiness” as Jarman’s poem says in an earlier stanza. It is also comforting that the timeless, countless stars which surround me in the night sky adore the love which shows itself in the absence, the blackness, the emptiness which surrounds them. If they can accept and adore such love, then maybe I can too. As you travel with Christ’s passion through Holy Week, may you also be aware and comforted by the love that “shows itself in absence”.


Brian Holliday
Anam Cara for the Guiding Committee  
Photo from OpenABC

Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I feel quite melancholy. I feel like I am weeping inside, and any depressing news, even if it is from friends or the Bible readings for the day, makes me feel more melancholy. I try to find the gift in feeling flat; the fact that it allows me downtime after a period of sickness or stress reminds me of the mysterious depth of my soul. It can, I reflect, be an appropriate mood for Lent. To find wisdom in my times of melancholy, I often turn to the gift of the poets. This week, words from a poem by Mechthild of Magdeburg spoke to me,

I cannot dance, O Lord,
Unless You lead me.
If you wish me to leap joyfully,
Let me see You dance and sing.
So, Mechthild’s prayer has become my prayer this week. I cannot find the energy and joy to dance, so may the Lord of the Dance, the Lord of Love, lead me in the dance. If you are feeling flat, finding it difficult to pray, and difficult to engage with God and yourself, then may Mechthild’s prayer be your prayer too.


Brian Holliday
Anam Cara for the Guiding Committee